April 26.

Emotion after emotion sadness’s an ocean
Drowning in the swimming motion
One-day-promotion
Family commotion
Show me your devotion
Else’s you’ll catch demotion

Intertwine me with the cross
Dangling across your chest
Where men love to look the best
Hang me around the neck
God will do the rest
We’ll see what a christian values.
rainydayswallpapercollectionseriesone09

Untitled For Now.

Think,Analyze, Download
Action move limbs
Through busy subway
Everything is calculated

Numbers crunched produce
Possibilities decisions, no
Uncertainty of Presence
Life is perfect

No pain, reclusive
Nothing just the
Soft buzzing of
Hummingbirds.

There will always
Be beauty you
just stopped looking —
a sad story.

tag-heuer-steampunk-hummingbird

A Boy Unlike Me.

I used to write my poetry by dabbing
My pen in runny ink blots pooling across
The hair on my skin I need you to grab me
And shake to see if I have any words left it costs

To be the depressed poet everyone expects
When the scars I used to draw my inspiration
Have healed and the image in my writing no longer reflects
My missing fixation on feelings of desperation

That used to keep me going for so long
But have now left me so gone
Everything I write seems so wrong
I’m hauling along this empty shell that once belonged

To a boy so unlike me.

journal-writing-ideas

Pocket of Tobacco

We are adults –
I think
At least that’s
what they tell us.

Our fancy college
with fancy events
wearing fancy clothes
walking the path of life

Well we washed a pack
of cigarettes in the pocket
of my sweat shirt now
bits of tobacco are everywhere.

Not a single cigarette
an entire pack because in
the process of going through
two adults, nobody checked

We are adults —
I wonder
but I would rather
be a kid.

Paper Crane.

Paper Crane in the steel cage
With you I can fee free
Watch you slip and fly away
Pretend you are me

Paper Crane in the steel cage
You are the last bit of beauty
This world had betrayed
Message engraved allude to me

Paper Crane in the steel cage
Travel straight travel true
Fight through the rain
Don’t let them forget me.

Motion.

Trying to capture the ocean
in the palms of my hands
slip through the cupping motion
this isn’t sea this is land

Let the water be free
from people’s grasp
cannot let anything be
when beauty comes last

Waves crash onto shore
washing up diamonds
fumbled as keepers whore
I got lost on an island

No one around to love me
No one around to hate me

Depths of the sea
darkness rules that world
so full of mystery
forming precious shining pearls

I remember the storm
that swept me away
like a bottle formed
on nights kept at bay

Heart fluttered lungs flustered
coughing away the ocean
were you there when those words I muttered
I guess it was just a pointless motion.
storm_wallpaper10

5 Days

5 Days
He was my best friend for five days
a short period of time by any means
but for those five days sometime in May
we walked together in pursuit of fields of green

5 Days
We were inseparable, spending all day everyday together
the adults tried to split us apart but it was all in vein
because when two souls match so completely nothing is better
we were the only kids willing to play in the rain

5 Days
Like me he was an aspiring poet we would
compare our writing, what worked and what didn’t
he was only allowed to write when grown ups were around, I understood
there were a lot of rules back then, I never questioned what was forbidden

5 Days
He has the curliest hair, imagine mine but way more intense
and skinnier, much skinnier I’m sure his ribs showed
under the long sleeve shirts he wore so contently
he spoke quickly except one night where he was taken away

5 Days
We loved talking about the future
what crushes we would pursue, what we wanted to do when we got out
speaking about the men we would be when we matured
planning, we loved planning, its most of what we talked about

5 Days
One day we got caught exchanging a note
with our phone numbers scribbled on
and we got in trouble because the thing about mental hospitals
is that you are not allowed to make friends

5 Days
Stripped from our homes we were all we had
who cares what we he wrote
I had to pick up cigarettes again because there were more
smoke breaks than exercise breaks

5 Days
I’m sick of sitting in these goddamn group sessions
I do not want to be as happy as my dog but by all means
bitch with the poof hair be my guest
because my dog eats shit and that’s all I want you to do

5 Days
They preach to me all these tips to a happy life
but please explain to me how teaching yoga
to a meth addict is going to help him find peace
somewhere other than the end of a pipe

5 Days
We are not animals to be herded away
to be studied and prodded stop waking me up
in the middle of the night you already denied
my forever sleep at least let me get some
without the incessant to continually pump
medicine into me this poem once had form
but when I think about what they took from me
I get so angry he meant the world to me

1039 days have passed since I last saw him
I see him in my dreams, his smile his laugh
the color of his eyes how can I know someone so intimately
and not even have a last name

1039 Days
I wonder if he finally made it to that field of green.

5 Days,
I miss you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wishes.

Stars get wished upon
So unfair and cruel to place such
A painful burden for something gone at dawn
You are not loved quite enough

For them to respect your desire to move
Without being pestered with questions
You have nothing to lose but everything to prove
The truth of the black and blue messages

Calling for help from the terrible sky
Look at the moon they tell you
Watch it shine through reaching up so high
You could do it too if you weren’t such a prude —

Forget and forgive easy enough when you’ve nothing to live
The stars really are beautiful this time of year
So you shame bright as you can and you give and you give,
But the wishes on your body are so easy to see and ever clear.
star-gazing-inverness

Cassiopeia

Crisscrossing stars building constellations
Over your wrists I see Cassiopeia
Traced in red ink you and mutilation
Friends since birth there is no room for me

Amongst the dazzling lights you carved
Deep into your skin so you could be done
Bleeding nebulae from your veins pumping scar after scar after scar
You’ll get there soon my love, don’t go running

Into those not-so-welcome cold arms
Because you are so full of heat
Flames burn inside you so hot it rivals the stars
You once made wishes over, this is not your defeat.

Look up above, isn’t it beautiful?

cas_www

 

March 8th.

Coffee, alcohol, cigarettes we smoke
drown out the sound of kisses we spoke
Surprised in the morning I found you were gone
I must have mixed up your lovesigns with your exitsongs.